Here's my follow up review of Karen Howard's, (aka KEZ's) comic, "The War of Winds":
The War of Winds tries to accomplish too much in the beginning, and ultimately falls short due to lack of experience. Both the art and storytelling are lacking and seem like a "work in progress" by the creator, as she struggles with the scope of what she's trying to present in each strip. I didn't gain much from the first chapter aside from the most basic of plot points and character names. Nothing really stood out to me aside from those basic things, only because a lot of the elements conflicted with one another to a point where I couldn't retain it.
However! The second chapter completely took me by surprise in terms of art and storytelling... KEZ really kicked it up a notch and seemed to have made a conscious decision to correct the mistakes and shortcomings that took place in the first chapter. Altogether, the second chapter, at the rate of progress she was making through the first chapter, reads more like it were something out of the 7th chapter, if she kept a steady progression.
Again, I gotta say- the second chapter really came together. I really liked the direction you took the storytelling and the art. The first chapter read more like a storybook, in that the captions told much of the story while the pictures were placeholders for reference, just a storybook tells the story in words, with pictures serving no greater purpose than to keep the children reading the book interested visually. Much like that, the entire story of the first chapter could have been accomplished by taking all the captions and entering them into a document- more visuals were described in the captions then they were presented in the art.
But, the second chapter moved away from this and had much more of a balance between words and art.
I think that KEZ should entirely redo the first chapter, applying what she's learned. It sounds like an incredulous task, but it would really be worthwhile. So much of the later chapters are probably (undoubtedly, even) going to rely on what's presented in the first chapter. With the first chapter being so chaotic, both in the plot and the way it was told, it would really benefit the reader if she redid it all. In all honesty, if I hadn't read The War of Winds to review it, and instead stumbled across it, I probably would've abandoned it by around the 13th entry.
But, I think if KEZ redoes the first chapter, she might be surprised with how much easier of a time she'll have doing (or rather, re-doing) th archive. Like I said earlier, so much of the story was told through the captions that it actually "took off" quality points from the comic. If she redoes the first chapter, I bet much more of it will be told through visuals, which would quicken the pace (and shorten the amount of comics needed to be done) as two, possibly three comics could be retold as one with her new style of art and storytelling.
To sum up, War of Winds tries something really incredible, and notable; it's not easy to create a new universe- especially one in the middle of extreme, epic conflict. It makes up for it's shortcomings with the effort it takes, as well as the strides it makes in constantly improving itself. Literally, all the notes I made on the comic ended up being for naught as KEZ fixed everything I had problems with in the beginning.
Even still, below are the notes I made while going through her archive:
#10
Lack of motion. The last panels appears as though the “Weapons Master” is slowly ambling off into the distance (rather than “charging”), with his followers not “following fearlessly,” but instead watching in uninterest.
I think the problems with the presentation lies in the background. The Weapons Master and the horse are drawn at a perspective that differs from the background. If the horizon line was dropped to about the horse’s midsection it’d clear up some of the problems. The rest of the problems could be eliminated by having the weapons masters and his followers’ arms raised with their weapons, giving more of a “ready for battle” sort of attitude.
#13
Discrepancy between text and the pictures. I don’t imagine two bodies and one fight between two men to represent “bodies of knights [littering] the yard,” with “a few scattered fights still rag[ing].”
#14
The Weapons Master is very stiff… here’s the kind of energy I think you’re trying to embody.
What’s with the change in text? Not only is the text a different font and a smaller size, it’s also over a translucent layer of white. It’s much harder to read and doesn’t synch up with the rest of the comic. Why not use the same caption type from the previous comic?
Not only that, but all the wordiness in the captioning is making this comic feel more like a storybook than a graphic novel. Comics should tell the story with a balance of words and art, using both to embody the story at hand. So far, I could imagine everything drawn by reading only the caption. That, and, the text for comic #14 specifically is all “chunked up” into only two captions spread out over the first two panels, yet they describe the actions taking place in all four panels. By the end of the second caption, I already knew what the last panel was going to tell me. Instead, the text in those captions should be spread out, while also letting the visuals tell some of the finer details rather than the text.
#15
More caption variety. I still prefer the captions from page 13.
#16
I’m at a loss of how to read this comic, in that I don’t know which panel leads to what. But, I do like the “forresty,” organic feel of the comic. Very “nature-esque,” filled with greens and browns.
The third caption really throws me off… you can’t quit seem to commit to a specific font.
#17
Spelling mistake: first caption: “blue steal” should be “blue steel.”
Again, I think that the visuals would tell the story better than the captions would. “Another chilling laugh” would be much better as a panel of the character actually laughing.
#19
Not sure who’s saying “Curse you!…” I bet it’s Leth but it’s just text floating in a white void.
#23
Spelling mistake: panel 5: “alread” should be “already.”
What’s with panel 8? “His eyes passed over many (undrawn) bodies…” Do you literally mean that in the sense that you didn’t draw the bodies? If this is the case, it’s a very big 4th wall breaker, and really takes me out of the moment. The only other explanation I could think of is the idea of the bodies not having been “drawn,” aka “taken,” from the field by their still-living comrades. But, if this was the case, that’s rather obvious as Ian is looking at them anyway.
#24
The thought bubble in the last panel looks closer to it coming from Leth’s head than Ian’s. I understand that the captions take up the headroom where the bubble would’ve been placed, but the smaller bubbles would be better served leading upwards towards Ian’s head, rather than downwards.
#26
I do appreciate the variation in the paneling. There’s a real unique sense of direction that’s definitely logical to follow, although still somewhat awkward.
#28
“Chomp”
“Dammit”
?
What chomped what?
#30
What’s going on here? Is he throwing the head, or is the panel depicting him already having thrown the falconsword?
#31
I guess he threw the head. Then what was with the Weapons Master putting away only one falconsword?
In most cases, arrows leading the audience from panel to panel are an admittance of, “Yeah, sorry, this one’s a little confusing. I mean, I’d rather have arrows than be left stranded in the direction, but arrows are almost like breaking the 4th wall. In most cases, anyway.
#32
What’s the signficance of the hand? Also, is that hand-panel a zoom-in on part of the battlefield? With both characters in the last larger panel staring out over the battlefield, and the hand in between the two characters’ direction of view, it gives the idea that they’re looking at the hand. But, I’m confused as to where the hand has crawled off to I can only assume it’s on the battlefield, and that hand-panel is indeed a zoom.
#38
The proportions are a bit off in the third panel… looks more like he’s holding a doll than his daughter(?).
#43
So far, the comic really is reading like a storybook… like I said earlier, comics should be a balance of art and words. So far, the words definitely have more precedence than the art. I think the art could handle the direction with more panels and a more traditional comic book page set up. Sure, variation’s nice and everything, but I think a more set standard of presenting the story would help.
#44
There’s a lot of characterization in the captions, and I wish I could see the same sort of character building the art as well.
#46
Fourth Panel: “OMG! Floating arm!”
This is a definite case of breaking the fourth wall, which really destroys any sort of ambience or mood you were trying to maintain.
#48
Now this is what I want to see more of… no captions, but instead the story being told through dialogue and character actions/reactions.
Plus, this was a great strip in itself; the revelation of “the walls are bleeding”
#64
This comic takes place directly after the comic that announced the “End ‘The Past’ Part II”… if the previous comic was the end of that chapter, what does this comic start? “The Past” part III? If you are going to announce when you’re ending chapters, I think you should also announce when chapters begin.
#66
The previous comic ended with a caption announcing the supposed death (due to feasting) of the Weapons Master, and yet this comic begins with Ian saying, “No! You’re wrong! He’s not dead!”
Who’s he talking back to? The captions?
#75
I think if you color-coded your storytelling captions it might help. Otherwise, I’m always left wondering if a caption is someone’s dialogue missing a link.
#89
This caption/direction in this comic is quite good. It matches more with the art, and tells less of a story than it used to. I’m looking forward to seeing the storytelling method moves more towards this direction.
#94
There we go.
#104
What the- back to the change in fonts again? What keeps causing this? I liked the old font better. Honestly, when I started reading this comic, I thought Talon was speaking in third person.
Text aside, both the art and the paneling in this comic is excellent. I’m especially fond of “panels” two and three… personally, I love it when panels “extend” and serve as the background for the other panels.
#114
Panel 6: “They swarmed over his body, shoving shadowy limbs into his still warm body.”
I don’t like this caption… both parts of the sentence (separated by the comma) end in the word “body.” I think it would read better as “They swarmed over his corpse, shoving shadowy limbs into the still-warm body.”
#116
Panel 2. The red target over the city is too geometric… for the sort of Medieval-era society they’re living in, that red target looks like some sort of crosshair from the future…it feels to incongruous with the story. I think what would fit the scene better is some sort of hand drawn, ornamentally decorated (if at all) circle.
#120
Panel 6. “Break” really isn’t onomatopoetic… at least not as much as “crash” or “snap.” What about “crack”? Or, maybe the less word-like “Kssh!”?
#126
I wish the text was a little bigger in this comic.
#138
The art is excellent in this comic! It looks like you grabbed some of it from actual photos (like the branches in panels 1 and 2), but that’s alright- it seems like you’ve “treated” it a tiny amount with Photoshop effects, blending it into your comic’s style. It works, and looks great.
#139
It’s not exactly apparent where the blood is coming from. Reading from the first panel and going downwards, there’s no clear direction to look- both panels appear to be the “next” panel. Because of that, the first thing I looked at was the hand, making me think the blood was actually a large gash in her hand. Then I looked over and saw that the other panel was in fact the second panel. I think the “real” second panel should be moved upwards more, so it’s more apparent that that’s the panel that needs to be read after the first.
#142
Alright! Caption boxes!
***
KEZ, if you ever read this, send me an e-mail. I'd really like to hear what you think.
The War of Winds tries to accomplish too much in the beginning, and ultimately falls short due to lack of experience. Both the art and storytelling are lacking and seem like a "work in progress" by the creator, as she struggles with the scope of what she's trying to present in each strip. I didn't gain much from the first chapter aside from the most basic of plot points and character names. Nothing really stood out to me aside from those basic things, only because a lot of the elements conflicted with one another to a point where I couldn't retain it.
However! The second chapter completely took me by surprise in terms of art and storytelling... KEZ really kicked it up a notch and seemed to have made a conscious decision to correct the mistakes and shortcomings that took place in the first chapter. Altogether, the second chapter, at the rate of progress she was making through the first chapter, reads more like it were something out of the 7th chapter, if she kept a steady progression.
Again, I gotta say- the second chapter really came together. I really liked the direction you took the storytelling and the art. The first chapter read more like a storybook, in that the captions told much of the story while the pictures were placeholders for reference, just a storybook tells the story in words, with pictures serving no greater purpose than to keep the children reading the book interested visually. Much like that, the entire story of the first chapter could have been accomplished by taking all the captions and entering them into a document- more visuals were described in the captions then they were presented in the art.
But, the second chapter moved away from this and had much more of a balance between words and art.
I think that KEZ should entirely redo the first chapter, applying what she's learned. It sounds like an incredulous task, but it would really be worthwhile. So much of the later chapters are probably (undoubtedly, even) going to rely on what's presented in the first chapter. With the first chapter being so chaotic, both in the plot and the way it was told, it would really benefit the reader if she redid it all. In all honesty, if I hadn't read The War of Winds to review it, and instead stumbled across it, I probably would've abandoned it by around the 13th entry.
But, I think if KEZ redoes the first chapter, she might be surprised with how much easier of a time she'll have doing (or rather, re-doing) th archive. Like I said earlier, so much of the story was told through the captions that it actually "took off" quality points from the comic. If she redoes the first chapter, I bet much more of it will be told through visuals, which would quicken the pace (and shorten the amount of comics needed to be done) as two, possibly three comics could be retold as one with her new style of art and storytelling.
To sum up, War of Winds tries something really incredible, and notable; it's not easy to create a new universe- especially one in the middle of extreme, epic conflict. It makes up for it's shortcomings with the effort it takes, as well as the strides it makes in constantly improving itself. Literally, all the notes I made on the comic ended up being for naught as KEZ fixed everything I had problems with in the beginning.
Even still, below are the notes I made while going through her archive:
#10
Lack of motion. The last panels appears as though the “Weapons Master” is slowly ambling off into the distance (rather than “charging”), with his followers not “following fearlessly,” but instead watching in uninterest.
I think the problems with the presentation lies in the background. The Weapons Master and the horse are drawn at a perspective that differs from the background. If the horizon line was dropped to about the horse’s midsection it’d clear up some of the problems. The rest of the problems could be eliminated by having the weapons masters and his followers’ arms raised with their weapons, giving more of a “ready for battle” sort of attitude.
#13
Discrepancy between text and the pictures. I don’t imagine two bodies and one fight between two men to represent “bodies of knights [littering] the yard,” with “a few scattered fights still rag[ing].”
#14
The Weapons Master is very stiff… here’s the kind of energy I think you’re trying to embody.
What’s with the change in text? Not only is the text a different font and a smaller size, it’s also over a translucent layer of white. It’s much harder to read and doesn’t synch up with the rest of the comic. Why not use the same caption type from the previous comic?
Not only that, but all the wordiness in the captioning is making this comic feel more like a storybook than a graphic novel. Comics should tell the story with a balance of words and art, using both to embody the story at hand. So far, I could imagine everything drawn by reading only the caption. That, and, the text for comic #14 specifically is all “chunked up” into only two captions spread out over the first two panels, yet they describe the actions taking place in all four panels. By the end of the second caption, I already knew what the last panel was going to tell me. Instead, the text in those captions should be spread out, while also letting the visuals tell some of the finer details rather than the text.
#15
More caption variety. I still prefer the captions from page 13.
#16
I’m at a loss of how to read this comic, in that I don’t know which panel leads to what. But, I do like the “forresty,” organic feel of the comic. Very “nature-esque,” filled with greens and browns.
The third caption really throws me off… you can’t quit seem to commit to a specific font.
#17
Spelling mistake: first caption: “blue steal” should be “blue steel.”
Again, I think that the visuals would tell the story better than the captions would. “Another chilling laugh” would be much better as a panel of the character actually laughing.
#19
Not sure who’s saying “Curse you!…” I bet it’s Leth but it’s just text floating in a white void.
#23
Spelling mistake: panel 5: “alread” should be “already.”
What’s with panel 8? “His eyes passed over many (undrawn) bodies…” Do you literally mean that in the sense that you didn’t draw the bodies? If this is the case, it’s a very big 4th wall breaker, and really takes me out of the moment. The only other explanation I could think of is the idea of the bodies not having been “drawn,” aka “taken,” from the field by their still-living comrades. But, if this was the case, that’s rather obvious as Ian is looking at them anyway.
#24
The thought bubble in the last panel looks closer to it coming from Leth’s head than Ian’s. I understand that the captions take up the headroom where the bubble would’ve been placed, but the smaller bubbles would be better served leading upwards towards Ian’s head, rather than downwards.
#26
I do appreciate the variation in the paneling. There’s a real unique sense of direction that’s definitely logical to follow, although still somewhat awkward.
#28
“Chomp”
“Dammit”
?
What chomped what?
#30
What’s going on here? Is he throwing the head, or is the panel depicting him already having thrown the falconsword?
#31
I guess he threw the head. Then what was with the Weapons Master putting away only one falconsword?
In most cases, arrows leading the audience from panel to panel are an admittance of, “Yeah, sorry, this one’s a little confusing. I mean, I’d rather have arrows than be left stranded in the direction, but arrows are almost like breaking the 4th wall. In most cases, anyway.
#32
What’s the signficance of the hand? Also, is that hand-panel a zoom-in on part of the battlefield? With both characters in the last larger panel staring out over the battlefield, and the hand in between the two characters’ direction of view, it gives the idea that they’re looking at the hand. But, I’m confused as to where the hand has crawled off to I can only assume it’s on the battlefield, and that hand-panel is indeed a zoom.
#38
The proportions are a bit off in the third panel… looks more like he’s holding a doll than his daughter(?).
#43
So far, the comic really is reading like a storybook… like I said earlier, comics should be a balance of art and words. So far, the words definitely have more precedence than the art. I think the art could handle the direction with more panels and a more traditional comic book page set up. Sure, variation’s nice and everything, but I think a more set standard of presenting the story would help.
#44
There’s a lot of characterization in the captions, and I wish I could see the same sort of character building the art as well.
#46
Fourth Panel: “OMG! Floating arm!”
This is a definite case of breaking the fourth wall, which really destroys any sort of ambience or mood you were trying to maintain.
#48
Now this is what I want to see more of… no captions, but instead the story being told through dialogue and character actions/reactions.
Plus, this was a great strip in itself; the revelation of “the walls are bleeding”
#64
This comic takes place directly after the comic that announced the “End ‘The Past’ Part II”… if the previous comic was the end of that chapter, what does this comic start? “The Past” part III? If you are going to announce when you’re ending chapters, I think you should also announce when chapters begin.
#66
The previous comic ended with a caption announcing the supposed death (due to feasting) of the Weapons Master, and yet this comic begins with Ian saying, “No! You’re wrong! He’s not dead!”
Who’s he talking back to? The captions?
#75
I think if you color-coded your storytelling captions it might help. Otherwise, I’m always left wondering if a caption is someone’s dialogue missing a link.
#89
This caption/direction in this comic is quite good. It matches more with the art, and tells less of a story than it used to. I’m looking forward to seeing the storytelling method moves more towards this direction.
#94
There we go.
#104
What the- back to the change in fonts again? What keeps causing this? I liked the old font better. Honestly, when I started reading this comic, I thought Talon was speaking in third person.
Text aside, both the art and the paneling in this comic is excellent. I’m especially fond of “panels” two and three… personally, I love it when panels “extend” and serve as the background for the other panels.
#114
Panel 6: “They swarmed over his body, shoving shadowy limbs into his still warm body.”
I don’t like this caption… both parts of the sentence (separated by the comma) end in the word “body.” I think it would read better as “They swarmed over his corpse, shoving shadowy limbs into the still-warm body.”
#116
Panel 2. The red target over the city is too geometric… for the sort of Medieval-era society they’re living in, that red target looks like some sort of crosshair from the future…it feels to incongruous with the story. I think what would fit the scene better is some sort of hand drawn, ornamentally decorated (if at all) circle.
#120
Panel 6. “Break” really isn’t onomatopoetic… at least not as much as “crash” or “snap.” What about “crack”? Or, maybe the less word-like “Kssh!”?
#126
I wish the text was a little bigger in this comic.
#138
The art is excellent in this comic! It looks like you grabbed some of it from actual photos (like the branches in panels 1 and 2), but that’s alright- it seems like you’ve “treated” it a tiny amount with Photoshop effects, blending it into your comic’s style. It works, and looks great.
#139
It’s not exactly apparent where the blood is coming from. Reading from the first panel and going downwards, there’s no clear direction to look- both panels appear to be the “next” panel. Because of that, the first thing I looked at was the hand, making me think the blood was actually a large gash in her hand. Then I looked over and saw that the other panel was in fact the second panel. I think the “real” second panel should be moved upwards more, so it’s more apparent that that’s the panel that needs to be read after the first.
#142
Alright! Caption boxes!
***
KEZ, if you ever read this, send me an e-mail. I'd really like to hear what you think.
posted by chrisp at 10:40 PM
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